Obligatory V-Day Post

It's that time of the year again. The one day where we shower our lovers, family and friends with tints and shades of red, while regurgitating the sweetest things we've ever heard on television in an effort to feel better about ourselves and hopefully get laid.

On Valentine's Day I always like to take a moment and thank those who are truly responsible for making V-Day what it has become, and while I realize it takes many people to make this happen, I would like to personally thank a few:

Hallmark. Without your cards we might never find the right words to tell people how we really feel. Thanks for allowing us to simplify our emotions into words of your choosing and allow us to forgo the use of our own hearts and minds.

FTD and 1-800-flowers. Thanks to the valiant efforts of these two corporations, no longer does one have to actually GO to a flower shop in order to pick out that perfect bouquet for their Valentine. Even though we all know you're buying roses anyway, nothing says "I love you" like sitting in front of your computer swirling your mouse around the screen and clicking on a few links.

All Chocolatiers. Godiva, Hershey, Lindt's, Ghiradelli...just to name a few. Thank you for making those special red and heart-shaped boxes filled with chocolaty goodness and perhaps some other confectional delights. It's nice to know that the care and craftsmanship with which you make your little bites of heaven have not been lessened. I can always trust the value and commitment to your wares because I know you would never cheapen yourselves just to make a buck.

Marketers, Promoters and Advertisers. Without you, this day might simply pass us by. It is you who truly understand the importance of Valentine's Day and take special measures to ensure that a blitz of cupids, hearts, plush animals, cards, flowers and every conceivable shade and tint of the color red reach our eyes so we are sure to remember this solemn occassion and what it means to all retailers...including Apple and their V-day iPod.

All the Ladies. Last, but certainly not least are the women who are benevolent enough to grace us with their company. Thank you for allowing us to dote upon you with all manner of gifts and romantic efforts, despite our misunderstanding of this most sacred of holidays. Thank you for reminding us every day since January 1st that Valentine's Day is February 14th and not too far around the corner. Thank you for being so gracious in allowing us to spend inordinate amounts of money on dinners, flowers, candy, cards, holiday weekends and yes...even diamonds, without suffering even the slightest hint of modesty. And lastly, thank you for making us work so hard for sex...the days and even weeks of anticipation is almost more than we can handle, (thank God we have secretaries), but it makes it all worth it in the end.

So, thank you one and all for sharing in this meaningless and commercialized holiday and I wish you all the best of luck on your evening of romance and love...even though you'll both have worked all day and most likely be tired, worn out and a little testy because of people like me.

And guys, remember...buy, buy, buy! The more you spend, the more likely you are to get laid. And, if you get laid...congratulate yourself because you just lived out one of your secret fantasies and made your woman a whore.

Happy Valentine's Day one and all.