Morning Coffee Confusion

The general American work day, last time I checked, begins at 9:00am. In most cases, this would suggest that coffee shops would be loaded with people betweeen 8:30 and 8:50 as they dash to get their morning infusion of Chai lattes, Venti Red-eyes, X-large Dark Roasts, or their soy-no whip-halfcaf-decaf-Americana-mocha-macchiattos.

Knowing this, I of course try to avoid these morning rushes by coming in a little later or a lot earlier, but I'm starting to think that this theory about a 9:00 start is no longer proving useful. The last two mornings I have gone to a new coffee shop as I have slightly changed my route to work in order to mix things up a little bit in my life. Yesterday, I got to the coffee shop at approximately 8:45; the height of what would be the morning coffee rush. There were precisely three people in the coffee queue. As astonished as I was I made a mental note of this fact and planned on returning the next morning, rather than waiting in the long line at my regular place.

This morning, I arrived at the exact same shop at 9:10; a time when everyone should be busy shuffling papers around their desks and checking their personal emails before doing those reports that take five minutes and then playing a game of computer solitaire. Certainly if no one was here at "Coffee Hour" then no one would be here after 9:00. Boy, was I wrong. The place was packed. A line wrapped around the small store. It ran in such a way as to block the front doors, making it rather difficult for any newcomers to enter. Couple this with a bunch of personalities that have not had their personal cup of morning joy and you've got a bit of a situation on your hands. A little shove here, a bump there...no 'excuse me' or 'sorry, I didn't mean to wail on your groin with my handbag'.

Needless to say, I'm making one more attempt at this place. I'm going at 9:00 on the dot tomorrow and see what happens. If anything similar to the cluster-fuck of this morning is visible, I'm really going to have to re-think the timing of my morning coffee. Or maybe I'll just have to start going to work on time so I can get my coffee in peace...before all these other slackers start ruining my morning before it really even starts.

Obligatory V-Day Post

It's that time of the year again. The one day where we shower our lovers, family and friends with tints and shades of red, while regurgitating the sweetest things we've ever heard on television in an effort to feel better about ourselves and hopefully get laid.

On Valentine's Day I always like to take a moment and thank those who are truly responsible for making V-Day what it has become, and while I realize it takes many people to make this happen, I would like to personally thank a few:

Hallmark. Without your cards we might never find the right words to tell people how we really feel. Thanks for allowing us to simplify our emotions into words of your choosing and allow us to forgo the use of our own hearts and minds.

FTD and 1-800-flowers. Thanks to the valiant efforts of these two corporations, no longer does one have to actually GO to a flower shop in order to pick out that perfect bouquet for their Valentine. Even though we all know you're buying roses anyway, nothing says "I love you" like sitting in front of your computer swirling your mouse around the screen and clicking on a few links.

All Chocolatiers. Godiva, Hershey, Lindt's, Ghiradelli...just to name a few. Thank you for making those special red and heart-shaped boxes filled with chocolaty goodness and perhaps some other confectional delights. It's nice to know that the care and craftsmanship with which you make your little bites of heaven have not been lessened. I can always trust the value and commitment to your wares because I know you would never cheapen yourselves just to make a buck.

Marketers, Promoters and Advertisers. Without you, this day might simply pass us by. It is you who truly understand the importance of Valentine's Day and take special measures to ensure that a blitz of cupids, hearts, plush animals, cards, flowers and every conceivable shade and tint of the color red reach our eyes so we are sure to remember this solemn occassion and what it means to all retailers...including Apple and their V-day iPod.

All the Ladies. Last, but certainly not least are the women who are benevolent enough to grace us with their company. Thank you for allowing us to dote upon you with all manner of gifts and romantic efforts, despite our misunderstanding of this most sacred of holidays. Thank you for reminding us every day since January 1st that Valentine's Day is February 14th and not too far around the corner. Thank you for being so gracious in allowing us to spend inordinate amounts of money on dinners, flowers, candy, cards, holiday weekends and yes...even diamonds, without suffering even the slightest hint of modesty. And lastly, thank you for making us work so hard for sex...the days and even weeks of anticipation is almost more than we can handle, (thank God we have secretaries), but it makes it all worth it in the end.

So, thank you one and all for sharing in this meaningless and commercialized holiday and I wish you all the best of luck on your evening of romance and love...even though you'll both have worked all day and most likely be tired, worn out and a little testy because of people like me.

And guys, remember...buy, buy, buy! The more you spend, the more likely you are to get laid. And, if you get laid...congratulate yourself because you just lived out one of your secret fantasies and made your woman a whore.

Happy Valentine's Day one and all.