Open Letter to Rep. Patrick Kennedy

Dear Mr. Kennedy,

I'm so glad to hear that you are alive and doing well after that security gate jumped out of the road and viciously attacked you during your early, early morning commute to work.

As a full-time graphic designer, part-time bartender and prescription drug abuser, I can certainly empathize with your situation. Sometimes when the stress of tight deadlines, 90 hour weeks, never-ending bills and living paycheck to paycheck becomes too much, the only way I feel I can escape is with a few OxyContin. It's usually just enough the take the edge off.

Knowing your family history and its fight with alcohol abuse, it's wonderful to know that you choose Ambien as your sedative of choice after a rough day of voting. But adding the Phenergan to that may have been pushing it. Any intelligent drug abuser knows that it's not good to go mixing drugs. I mean, that's why we abuse prescription drugs...because we're smart people. Not like those poor, dumb bastards on crystal meth, crack or heroin.

While I realize stomach cramps, nausea and the likelihood of shitting yourself can be very uncomfortable, maybe laying off the Ambien for a few days would have been a good idea. Personally, I blame your doctor. Not only should he have warned you of the possibilities of complications when mixing meds, but also, you'd think he'd mention the side effects of a gastroenteritis drug. But at least now you know that Phenergan “can cause drowsiness and sedation." So at least we've learned something here.

By the way, for a serious high...try dissolving 250mg of Phenergen and 100mg of Ambien in a glass of Bordeaux or perhaps a 22 yr. Lagavulin...

There is still one thing that remains unclear to me though, and I was hoping you could clear it up for me. In a recent statement to the press you were quoted as saying:

"I returned to my home on Capitol Hill and took the prescribed amount of Phenergan and Ambien, which was also prescribed by the Attending Physician some time ago and I occasionally take to fall asleep. Some time around 2:45am, I drove the few blocks to the Capitol Complex believing I needed to vote."

Okay, the disorientation and confusion I understand, believe me! But wouldn't the Ambien have put you to sleep? I mean, shit...one Ambien and I'm dead to the world for about 6 hours. Maybe you just have a tolerance for that kind of thing.

Anyway, I'm just glad you're okay and that you were stopped before you hurt yourself or someone else. It could have been worse, right? You could've been with your brother's former secretary and rolled the car into a pond.

Sincerely,

Edgar Popsalot
President/CEO
Fashionable Drugs Adaptation Team (F-DAT)